Okay moms, let’s get real for a minute. I’m not one to rant on my blog or other aspects of social media, but I’m angry, saddened and disappointed with what I’ve been seeing from some mom’s out there. Since I have an online appearance, I felt that I needed to say something on this issue and hopefully inspire change.
The Mom Shaming needs to stop. Let me rephrase that…the bullying needs to stop. Parenting is hard…extremely hard and it won’t get any easier as our little ones grow up. Even though we wish they were, parenting rules are not black and white. Civilization has evolved, creating more than one way to do things and unfortunately, there’s never a right choice, but there is a right choice for every parent and child. You are aware that not one child is created equally…yes? Why should every mom parent equally?
Every mother is free to make choices that they feel is right for THEIR child, therefore they shouldn’t be shamed, mocked or judged for doing so, especially online. Don’t get me wrong, if you see a parent doing something that is unknowingly effecting their child’s safety, then yes, please say something, but remember the key word here, unknowingly. Guide that mom gently without making her feel like a horrible mother and person. If you can’t do this, then you need to rely on the Thumper method and don’t say anything at all.
As a newer mom still, I feel guilty all the time. Did I spend enough quality time with my kids? Did I feed my toddler too many hotdogs because she just wouldn’t eat anything else? Did I raise my voice a little too much when she was misbehaving? Did I let her watch too much TV? Did I work too much while she was with me? There isn’t a day that I don’t feel some guilt. I know I’m not alone. A lot of moms lay their heads on their pillows at night with similar feelings of guilt. We don’t need the knives twisted by other mothers. We don’t need to feel like horrible mothers from women we look up to, women we respect and women who should have our backs. Harsh judgement coming from these women deepens the wounds.
Some of these women are simply, bullies. News flash…we aren’t in school anymore; we aren’t children; it’s time to grow up. Imagine having a playdate or just a coffee with another mom. As you sit across the table, staring into her exhausted, overwhelmed, yet loving eyes, would you harshly shame her for something she is doing that simply differs from you? Would you make her question her maternal skills? Would you bully her? No. So why is it right to do so while hiding behind a computer screen. Half the time, you hardly know her, where she came from and what she’s going through. While you’re shaming this mother online, you’ve decided that she failed somehow as a parent and you’re making her aware of it. My question is, who’s making you aware of the sad example you’re setting for your children.
A group of children will have all been exposed to different parenting styles, but they all have at least three things in common; they’re all loved, happy and don’t know the difference.
There are different wars of all kind being fought all over the world. It’s time to bring peace to the “mommy wars”. It’s time to come together as women and mothers and provide loving advice instead of harsh judgement. It takes a village to raise a child, not an army.